


64 Crayons

by southsidersweetpea



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOREVER, Riverdale, This is low-key sad, but I think it's some of my best work, southside serpents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-07 05:14:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17954252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/southsidersweetpea/pseuds/southsidersweetpea
Summary: Sweet Pea realizes he's in love with his best friend, only after it's too late.





	64 Crayons

They couldn’t remember a single moment in either of their lives that wasn’t spent together.

Sweet Pea and Y/N were inseparable from the moment they met. It was as if they were destined to meet and become each other’s greatest companion.

Neither one of them intended on making a best friend when their patents dropped them off one foggy September morning for their first day of preschool, but that’s exactly what happened.

The cool air nipped at their exposed flesh and the leaves crunched under their feet. The loud ring of the school bell could be heard all over town as toddlers excitedly made their way up the concrete steps and into the massive school.

Y/N happily entered her classroom, the backpack on her shoulders much too big in comparison to her small frame. She took a seat on the mat and anxiously waited for everyone else to arrive. 

To say she was excited for her first day of school would have been an understatement. She had counted down the days for 3 months, packed her backpack 2 weeks ago, and with the help of her mother, picked out her outfit a total of 7 times. She hadn’t even cried when her parents dropped her off!

Much of the morning had become a blur of meeting their teachers, singing, playing with toys and eating a snack. 

Finally, they had their quiet time, she decided to break out the brand new pack of 64 perfect crayons she’d been dying to get her hands on for weeks, since her mother bought them. 

Across the table, a boy with dark hair had the same idea, taking out his supplies and silently starting to work on his masterpiece. Y/N paid no mind to him as she picked up a blue crayon and started drawing a butterfly. Reaching for the pink crayon, set on adding more color to the prettiest butterfly she had ever seen, a small huff from across the table caught her attention. 

Looking up, she saw a boy, pouting, looking discouraged at his artwork in front of him. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked curiously. 

He looked up and met her eyes, a small frown still etched across his lips. “I was drawing a really big ice cream cone, but I don’t have the color I need for the cone.” He explained. 

There was absolutely no hesitation on Y/N’s behalf, as she offered to share with him. “Here, you can use some of mine.” 

“Really?” His eyes widened as he asked a little too loudly, a teacher hushing him in the distance as a result. The young girl nodded, a smile stretching across her lips as he moved to sit next to her. “Thanks.” He smiled, reaching for the tan crayon. 

“You’re welcome.” She hummed, watching him fill in the triangle that was obviously the come. “I like your drawing by the way. It looks nice.” She complimented him. 

“I like yours too.” He replied, taking note of all of the colors she had used on her butterfly, wondering if there was one out there that actually looked like that. 

“I’m Y/N.” She introduced herself. 

“Sweet Pea.” He smiled, reaching for the green crayon, at the same time she did. 

The rest was history. 

Play dates that started out as every Thursday after school, turned into Tuesday’s, Thursday’s and Friday’s within a matter of weeks. Which eventually turned into everyday, since neither of the children could go a single day without their best friend, causing havoc and making memories that would last a lifetime. 

The two grew up together. 

They experienced everything at the same time. They learned the alphabet together, learned to read by reading the same books, memorized the times tables as a pair and eventually, attended their first middle school dance together. 

It was suggested by both Y/N’s parents and Sweet Pea’s grandparents that they should attend the ceremony together, but the suggestion fell on deaf ears when Pea announced that he had already asked another girl to go. Y/N wasn’t upset or anything however, because she was hoping that the boy that sat next to her in homeroom would ask her anyway. 

So, she waited…and waited…and waited, until eventually, much to her surprise, he asked her. 

Y/N was bouncing with excitement when her parents dropped her off at the dance and she spotted Chuck Clayton waiting for her, smiling as he pulled her aside as he revealed why he had asked her to the dance. 

The smile fell from her face and the joy that had been radiating through her, was replaced with hurt. 

The first thing her and Sweet Pea experienced at different times, was heartbreak. 

Chuck revealed that he only invited her to the dance to make another girl jealous and asked her to play along. 

When she refused, he ditched her, causing her to spend the night crying at a table alone, while she caught glimpses of her best friend flash the smile that he only reserved for her. 

From across the gym, Sweet Pea watched as the scene played out in front of his eyes. Politely excusing himself from the girl he had asked to the dance, he made his way over to Y/N. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” His eyebrows knitted together with concern as he noticed Y/N sniffle and wipe her eyes, confirming that she had in fact been crying. 

“Oh, uh, it’s nothing.” She lied, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand to clear any wetness that had settled there. “How long have you been standing there?” 

A small frown etched across his lips as he folded his arms across his chest, giving her a knowing look. 

“Long enough to know something’s wrong.” He replied, causing a small sigh to escape her lips. “What happened?” 

“It’s nothing Pea.” She tried her best to convince him she was ok. She didn’t want to be the reason that both of them weren’t enjoying the dance. “You should get back to your date.” She tried, hoping that reminding him that he had someone waiting on him would get him to drop the whole thing. 

“Forget it, I’m not going anywhere until you’re ok.” He replied, taking a seat next to her and kicking his feet up on the table, blocking out the teacher that was scolding him for the action. All of his attention was focused on Y/N, and Y/N alone. 

“You don’t have to do-“ He quickly cut her off, assuring her that there was no place he’d rather be than by her side. 

“I want to.” He smiled softly, something she had seen him do less and less as they’d grown older. “Now, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, or what he did to you, but right now, we’re going to dance until there’s a smile on your face.” He assured her, reaching for her hand. 

“Seriously?” She chuckled in disbelief as she interlocked her fingers with his and instantly feeling the sweat from his palm as their hands touched. “Don’t you think your date is going to get jealous?” Y/N questioned, concerned that if he danced with her, it would put a strain on the relationship he was trying to start with the girl he asked to the dance. 

“Who cares?” He replied without any hesitation. “You’re more important to me than anyone else will ever be.” He assured her, making her feel the most at ease she had felt all night. 

She smiled softly at him, thankful that she had him in her life. 

“So, ready to dance?” He asked with a raised eyebrow and an extended hand. 

Awkward was an understatement to describe what happened after he lead her onto the gym floor. She was tripping over her own two feet and second guessing every step she took. 

After a while, she didn’t care how ridiculous she looked flailing her limbs in a weak attempt to match the tempo of whatever song was playing. All that mattered were the smiles plastered across her and her best friend’s faces as they danced the night away without a care in the world. 

Everything was perfect…until it wasn’t. 

Before either of them had any time to process what was happening, the song changed to a much slower song, causing pairs to either move closer together, or off of the dance floor. 

Sharing a quick glance with Sweet Pea, she gave him a small nod before starting to clear the floor. 

Confused, he reached out for her wrist. “Hey, where do you think you’re going?” He asked, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. 

“It’s a slow song.” She pointed out, her palms becoming slick with sweat. He stood unfazed by her reply, his hand still wrapped around her wrist as he waited for her to elaborate. “For couples.” 

“So?” He shrugged, not seeing what the big deal was. 

“We’re not a couple.” Y/N pointed out, a bit embarrassed as she looked around at the other pairs slowly swaying back and forth to the sweet hum echoing around them. “And I don’t know how to dance.” Her cheeks flushed bright with color, which almost went unnoticed by her best friend thanks to the poorly lit gym, but he noticed, he always noticed everything about her. 

“You’ve never danced with anyone before?” He asked, finding it hard to believe that no one had ever asked her to dance before that moment. “It’s easy, I’ll teach you.” He assured her. 

She placed her arm on his waist, earning a polite smile from him as he gently guided her hands from his waist to his shoulders. Her palms instantly became sweaty and she was thankful that her fingers were interlaced with her own behind his neck so he couldn’t tell how nervous she actually was. 

“Here.” He offered, taking a step forward. “Follow my lead.” She followed what he said. 

The first few steps were pretty easy to follow, but she was still caught up in her head and ended up stepping on his foot by accident. 

“Sorry.” She mumbled bashfully. 

“It’s ok.” He smiled, continuing where they had left off. 

They took things slow. 

Very slow. 

Neither of them were in a rush for the moment to end, so they lived in it for as long as they could. 

You look really pretty.” He announced softly. 

Biting back a smile, she replied. “Thank you.” 

“That guy’s a jerk.” He continued, pulling her closer into his chest. Her head rested against his chest as they swayed back and forth. 

“Tell me about it.” She hummed. 

“Y/N?” 

“Yes?” 

“C-can I, um, kiss you?” He proposed, catching her completely off guard. 

She’d never kissed anyone before and the last person she ever thought about kissing was her best friend. 

Slowly, she nodded her head, her heart making the decision for her before her mind could process what was going on as she stood on her tippy toes and leaned in. 

Sweet Pea took a deep breath before leaning in too, his heart hammering against his rib cage as Y/N closed her eyes and puckered her lips. He rested his forehead against hers for a second before closing his eyes and closing the distance between them. 

The feeling of his slightly chapped lips against her soft once only lasted a few seconds, before they awkwardly pulled away. 

“That was-“ He started, taking his time to find the exact words to describe what just happened. 

“Gross.” She finished for him with a small giggle. He nodded in approval. 

“Do you wanna do it again?” He suggested, an eyebrow raised. 

“Sure.” 

They were always together, but never together. 

She was always there for him, and he was always there for her. That’s just the way it had always been. 

Neither one of them had to ever wonder or worry about what their lives would be like without each other, because they knew that they would be together forever. 

High school was a completely different ballgame. 

Despite the fact that Sweet Pea had to move back to the Southside because his grandmother had passed away, the pair of friends tried to make as much time for each other as possible when they weren’t in school. 

Sure, the fact that they had been separated for the first time in their life caused a small strain on their friendship, but not as big as the one becoming a Serpent did. 

She wasn’t against Sweet Pea joining the Serpents, she understood why he had to, it just broke her heart that he didn’t have a choice. It was either, he join the gang and allow them to provide him with the protection he needed, all while staying in Riverdale, or be thrown into foster care and risk being moved away from his best friend. 

She started seeing less and less from him. 

He stopped replying to texts and phone calls and she wouldn’t hear from him for weeks at a time. Nonetheless, they both tried their hardest to keep their friendship alive. 

The pair of friends had never felt as distant as they had their Junior year, however. They had made plans to spend their summer together. 

Everything was going to be perfect! 

It was going to be just like old times. 

That was until Sweet Pea started hooking up with Josie McCoy, the Mayor’s daughter and Y/N’s classmate. 

He didn’t blow her off in the beginning. 

The first few weeks were great 

The two were connecting like they hadn’t lost any time at all. Then Cheryl’s pool party rolled around and the rest was history. She tried her hardest not to let it bother her. 

It shouldn’t have. 

It’s not like Sweet Pea was her boyfriend or anything. But it did, and it did because deep down, Y/N did like him. 

There was always a part of her that liked them when they were growing up. When they’d play house together, she liked pretending that he was her husband and that they were in love. Except, one day, it wasn’t just pretending for her anymore. 

She actually developed feelings for him. 

Which was why when he started to cancel their plans, a small part of her started aching. She just always imagined him in her life, and then one day he wasn’t. She just didn’t want him to get hurt, which was exactly what happened. 

The soft sound of raindrops bouncing off the roof echoed around her dark room. She was sleeping soundly under her blankets, sprawled out on her bed, until the sound of her phone vibrating against her nightstand woke her up. 

Flipping the device over, her eyes widened in shock as she wiped them with the back of her hand, trying to see if she read the name across the screen right. Much to her surprise, she had. 

“Pea?” She answered, concern settling deep in the pit of her stomach when she checked her alarm clock and saw how late, or rather early, it was.“It’s almost 2am.” Sitting straight up, she knew something was wrong. “Are you ok?” Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, she proposed a new question for him to answer. “What’s wrong?” 

There was a brief moment of silence that felt like it lasted forever. Y/N held her breath as she waited for a reply, automatically assuming the worse, fearing that he was in danger. 

“Sweet Pea?” She waited for a reply that never came. 

Panic started to course through her veins. Fear mixed with the adrenaline in her body, causing a cold sweat to break out across her forehead. Grabbing her robe from the floor next to her, she searched around the room for her car keys, a few panicked breaths leaving her lips as she tripped over the scattered contents around her room. 

As her hand reached for the handle, his voice echoed in her ear. 

“Can I come over?” He asked, his voice cracking as he proposed the question. She could tell he was crying and clearly upset. 

“Where are you? I’m coming to you.” She whispered, turning the knob to her bedroom and tiptoeing down the hall, careful not to wake her family. She had made it halfway down the stairs before he spoke again, causing her heart to break. 

“I’ve been sitting in your driveway for the past hour.” Slipping on a pair of shoes she could find, which happened to be her dad’s, she unlocked the front door and hung up the phone. The rain was coming down softer than it had been, but it still instantly soaked her as her eyes met those of the stranger sitting in her driveway. Even through the glass, she could tell he had been crying. He slowly got out of the car, his styled hair quickly falling flat once the rain came into contact with it, and made his way towards her. When she reached him, he didn’t say anything. 

Instead, he wrapped his arms around her much smaller frame and embraced her tightly. She had so many questions, the main one being what had caused him to show up at her house at an ungodly hour, crying, but she knew she’d get all of them answered eventually. 

In that moment, all she wanted to do was be there for him. She just wanted to hold him and let him know that everything was going to be alright. 

His forehead rested against her shoulder, his whole body slumping against hers and holding her as tight as he could, never wanting to let her go 

He missed her. He missed spending time with her and felt guilty for cancelling their plans for the summer, considering how he had learned that night that it wasn’t even worth it. 

Eventually, he pulled away and she did the same, instead, taking his hand and leading him towards her house, knowing that he needed her. 

Carefully twisting the door knob, they entered, slipping their wet shoes off and locking the door behind them. 

“Everyone’s sleeping.” A quiet whisper left her lips as she held a finger to her lips. She couldn’t believe in all of the months that had past, that was the first thing she had said to him. 

Tiptoeing down the hall to Y/N’s room, he tried his hardest not to wake the family that had always been so kind to him and treated him as if he were one of their own. 

Once inside of her room, she carefully shut the door behind them. Sweet Pea instinctively took a seat on her bed while Y/N made her way across the room to her dresser. 

“What happened?” She asked with her back towards him as she dung in the drawer for a pair of pajamas he’d left behind a few months ago. Handing them to her best friend, he took them as she took a seat back on the bed next to him. 

“I told her.” He announced, his eyes glued to the comforter beneath him. 

“Told who what?” She asked, still a bit tired and confused on what the heck he was taking about. 

“Josie.” He clarified, his voice cracking softly as he said her name. 

“What do you mean, Pea?” 

“She came by again, asking if I would be her date to her mom’s wedding.” He explained, the ache in his chest that had dulled down started to grow like a weed as he recalled the event. “I was so excited, Y/N, you have no idea. My dumbass thought that she finally wanted to be something more, something real.” He scoffed softly, as if he was unable to believe how foolish he’d been. “Turns out, she just wanted to use me as a distraction, again.” That last word hung in the air for a few seconds as a reminder of the pain he’d endured for the past few years. 

“God, I’m such an idiot.” He let out, causing Y/N’s heart to shatter. 

It hurt. 

Seeing him hurt was the worst pain she had ever felt. All she wanted to do was fix him, mend his broken heart, but she couldn’t. 

“No you’re not.” She assured him, placing her hand on his back, trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks. “Don’t do that to yourself.” Her voice cracked as she practically begged him not to tear himself down, especially at the expense of a girl who couldn’t truly see how wonderful he was. 

“You’re a great guy, Pea.” He opened his mouth to object, but she quickly cut him off. “And no, I’m not just saying that because I’ve spent my whole life with you.” She mocked, knowing that he would argue that. “I mean it.” 

His expression softened slightly as she affirmed what he desperately needed to hear, only to harden once more as she continued, slowly causing the black hole of doubt to swallow him whole once again. 

“Any girl would be lucky to have you. 

A deep sigh left his lips as he ran his hands through his dark, messy hair frustratedly. “If I’m such a great guy, why aren’t I enough for her?” He asked genuinely, his lip starting to tremble. 

“Pea, that’s-“ 

“Do you know what it’s like?” He asked, his voice cracking softly as he proposed the question. 

“What?” 

“To love someone, knowing that they will never love you back, but still choosing to love them, knowing you’re going to get hurt because you can’t even begin to fathom your life without them?” He asked, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks as he allowed himself to be vulnerable to the only person he ever truly felt comfortable around. 

He was never afraid to be himself around her. The badass facade he hid behind came crumbling down when he was with Y/N. She was the only one worthy enough to see him in such a fragile state and only found comfort in her presence. He never felt like he had to pretend with her, and he never did 

“Yeah.” She admitted, a small lump forming in her throat as she thought about the irony of his question. “I do.” 

“How do you deal with it?” A new question proposed itself. “Knowing that your love is never going to be reciprocated?” He elaborated, hoping that she knew the answer to the question that was tearing him apart. 

“I don’t know.” She whispered softly, her reply coming out much quieter than she had anticipated it to. “I wish I could tell you that I know Pea, but I don’t.” Y/N admitted, a small sigh leaving her lips. “I’d guess it would be the small sliver of hope, that could either make or break you.” 

His brow arched, interested in the possible cure for the aching pain that was making him completely numb. “What do you mean?” 

She met his eyes, the tears that were threatening to spill only moments ago finally breaking free as they flowed freely down her cheeks. 

“It’s like a double edged sword. You either hold onto hope, long enough to see things through and wait for them to change, or you spend your whole life waiting for something that’s never going to happen.” She explained, his head hanging low as he processed what she said, the realization that there was no hope for him, suddenly suffocating him with hopelessness. “Everyone just wants to feel like they’re needed by the one person who doesn’t want them.” 

With that, she broke down 

All she wanted was him. 

She wanted him to realize that she had been in love with him for the longest time. 

But he didn’t. 

They both sat there, arms wrapped around each other as they sobbed, two members of the broken hearts club. 

Eventually, they ran out of tears to cry. Y/N kept hiccuping every few minutes and the year streaks down her cheeks had finally dried. 

The pair was exhausted, their emotions taking a toll on both of them. Finally, Sweet Pea spoke. His voice cut through the tension in the air like a blade. 

“Promise me, that no matter what happens, I’ll always have you, forever.” He begged, tightening his grip around her. 

As much as it hurt her, she promised him. “Promise.” 

Resting her head on her pillow, she lifted the covers, inviting him to lay with her. His heart swelled at the gesture, already feeling much better than when he arrived, knowing that his best friend would always be there for him. He happily lifted the covers and snuggled in next to her. 

Taking her into his arms, he placed a soft kiss to her shoulder shoulder before resting his chin in the crook of her neck and pulling her closer to him. 

“Good night, Y/N.” He hummed, content with the fact that he had met the most amazing girl when he was only 4 years old and he’d have her for the rest of his life. The next morning, her mother was the first to wake, followed by her father. 

As the older man made his way downstairs, he noticed a pair of black combat boots he hadn’t seen in a while and couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. Her father always liked Sweet Pea. 

He thought that he reminded him of himself when he was his age. Truth was, Y/N’s father was born and raised on the Southside, just like Sweet Pea was, and spent everyday trying to better himself and get out of the shithole he lived in. 

As he entered the kitchen, the smell of bacon flooded his senses as he gave his wife a small peck on the cheek. 

“Morning.” He smiled, before pouring himself a cup of coffee and sitting at the table, the newspaper waiting in his seat. 

“Sweet Pea spent the night.” The older woman announced to her husband as he sat down, unfolding the newspaper that had been set down next to him. 

“I saw.” He replied, his eyes never leaving the paper beneath him. 

A small smirk tugged at the corner of his wife’s lips as she flipped the bacon on the stove. 

“It doesn’t bother you that he still sleeps in the same bed as your daughter?” She questioned, curious to hear his response as she removed the food she was cooking and turned the stove off. 

“Trust me, that boy is too smart to start anything, and he knows better than to even try.” Y/N’s father chuckled, knowing that Sweet Pea had more respect for his family and for Y/N than to ever make a move on his daughter under his roof. 

Upstairs, the sunlight has started to decorate her room, the blind she had in place doing little to conceal the brightness as it danced along the walls. 

Sweet Pea was the first to wake up, feeling refreshed from the night he had had. Extending his arms above his head, he stretched, causing the bed to dip slightly, and Y/N to wake up. 

“Good morning.” He smiled, placing a kiss to her forehead. 

“Morning.” She replied, not meeting his eyes. “How are you feeling?” She asked, genuinely concerned about how he felt. 

“Better.” He admitted, hugging her closer to his chest. “You?” 

“Fine.” She let out, resting her head against his shoulder. 

“Good.” He smiled, completely oblivious to her true feelings. 

They laid in silence for a few moments, his arms wrapped around her, holding close arguably the best thing in his life. 

“This is perfect.” He mumbled. “I don’t want to leave.” 

“Well, mom made breakfast, which means they probably both know you’re here by now.” Y/N pointed out, not wanting to face her parents and the questions she knew awaited them downstairs. “At this point, we either go down, or they’re going to come and get us.” 

“Fine.” He chuckled, sitting up, causing her to do the same. “I could’ve stay like this forever though.” He admitted. 

She offered him a tight lipped smile as she pushed the covers off of her legs. 

“Thank you.” He let out. 

“For what?” She asked, confused at why he was thanking her. 

“Being my best friend.” He explained, as she rose to her feet, standing in front of him. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He admitted, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“You’d probably be miserable.” She smirked, placing her hand over his as it caressed her cheek. 

“I was being serious, smart ass.” He chuckled softly, his thumb touching her cheek. 

“I was too.” She mumbled, avoiding his stare. His fingertips lifted her chin to meet his dark brown eyes. 

Silence settled in the air around them as his eyes wandered to her lips. The action did not go unnoticed by Y/N, who felt the lump from last night growing in her throat, once again. 

Cupping her face with both of his hands, he slowly leaned in. His lips met hers in a tender kiss, two halves becoming a whole as they shared the intimate kiss. 

It was a kiss fueled by pure passion and love, and although neither one of them would ever admit it, they knew that it solidified the love that they had for one another. 

Their lips moved together, creating a pure state of bliss and euphoria as they continued to engage in such a passionate gesture. Neither one of them had to say the three words they both feared would ruin their friendship, because in that moment, they both felt it. 

Resting his forehead against hers, he pulled away, placing a small kiss to her nose before speaking again. 

“Thank you.” He whispered, pulling her into his chest once again. She was completely shocked and unable to process the events that just took place. “Come on, I’m sure they’re wondering where we are.” 

He smiled, reaching for her wrist and pulling her out of her room and down the hall towards the stairs. 

He let go of his hold on her as he made his way downstairs, a wide smile decorating his lips making his eyes crinkle as he spotted the family he had neglected for months. 

“Pea!” Avery beamed, charging towards the gentle giant she hadn’t seen in a long time. 

“Good morning little Y/L/N.” He greeted her with the same enthusiasm, swooping her up in his arms and twirling her around. 

“That’s not my name!” She pouted, her brows furrowed as she frowned. 

“I know, I’m just messing with ya.” He laughed, bopping her nose and setting her down. 

Making his way into the dining room, he greeted Y/N’s father, who offered him a warm smile while he reached for his hand. 

“Good morning, Sir.” He shook the older man’s hand. 

“Son, I’ve told you, Mark is just fine.” He returned the gesture, clapping Pea on the back and offering him a seat at the table. 

Y/N politely excused herself while her younger sister and father got caught up with Sweet Pea. 

Making her way into the kitchen, s he caught her mother’s eye, earning a small frown. 

“Is everything alright?” The older woman asked, concern evident on her features as she searched her daughter’s eyes, knowing her better than anyone and knowing that something was up. 

“Yeah.” Y/N lied. “Everything’s fine.” 

“You sure?” She asked again, silently begging her daughter to tell her what was wrong in hopes that she could fix it or at least offer her the guidance she’s needed. 

“Positive.” 

“So, I take it he took it well?” She asked with a small smile, thinking maybe her daughter was just getting use to how Sweet Pea would react to the news. 

“What?” 

“You told him, didn’t you?” She asked again, her eyebrow arching questioningly. 

She found out months ago that her daughter had a crush on her best friend, well, officially anyway. She could always see it. The way that they looked at one another and spoke about each other. She knew that the two of them were destined to be together. 

Before Y/N could reply, Sweet Pea’s voice echoed through the house. 

“Is everything alright in there? Do you guys need any help?” Sweet Pea shouted from the dinning room, ready to offered to help his second family. 

“No thanks, we’re coming!” Y/N shouted back before her mother could reply. “Not now mom.” She scolded the older woman much quieter than before, before grabbing a plate of hash browns and bringing them to the dining room, where she put on a fake smile that no one noticed except her mother who knew better than to question that look. 

After that, Y/N started distancing herself from Sweet Pea. 

It hurt too much, knowing that he would never share the same feelings towards her that she shared towards him. 

She started avoiding him. 

Plans were cancelled with lame excuses and new ones were never made. 

Days turned to weeks without any interaction and weeks turned to months. 

Eventually, it was as if they had made a silent pact that what they had before would never be the same and that they needed some time apart 

So, he gave her space. When they’d pass in the hallways, a small nod or wave in her direction was often missed as she continued on her way, earbuds in both ears, completely oblivious to the most important person in her life for the first time ever. 

It hurt. 

Seeing her and not being able to reach out to her and hug her. 

That’s what he needed, a hug. He would have settled with a wave or nod while passing, but more than anything, he just needed her to let him know everything was going to be alright. 

He’d give anything to see her smile or to hear her laugh again, but he figured he needed to give her space, after all, he promised to always be there for her, even if it meant at a distance. 

When she met someone, his focus completely changed. Although the pair hadn’t talked in months, he suddenly made sense of what he was feeling when he saw her with someone else. 

That was the sudden realization that hit him like a brick wall that they were never going to be what they were. 

It wasn’t easy for Y/N to just completely ignore Sweet Pea, as if he hadn’t spent the last 15 years of his life with her, but she had to. She couldn’t keep hurting herself, knowing that the feelings she had would never be reciprocated. 

Distance was clearly the best option. 

So, when she finally gave into a boy that proved to be a good distraction to take her mind off the boy she’s truly loved, she found herself more and more caught up in the idea of actually falling in love with him, or at least tricking herself into thinking she was to get him off of her mind. 

The poor boy had no idea how truly broken the girl was and what he was getting in the middle of, but he took a chance and ended up falling hard for her. 

Years past, until one day, he was brave enough to get down on one knee and ask for her hand in marriage. 

It wasn’t an easy decision. 

If she said yes, she would spend everyday waking up next to him, wondering if she loved him and if her life was as good as it was going to get, or if there was something more for her out there, she’d just have to wait for it. 

If she said no, she spend the rest of her life alone, searching for the one thing she’d been longing, knowing that she would never find it, because it was lost deep inside of the boy she’s shared her crayons with. 

Pushing those thoughts out of her head, she slipped on the white dress and made her way down the aisle, a quick, small, “I do”, signaling her fate for the rest of her life. 

Sweet Pea was invited to the wedding, but chose not to attended. 

She understood why, or at least she thought she did. She couldn’t imagine what was going through his head when he received the invite after years of silence from her. 

Truthfully, she wanted him there to stop the whole thing, to stand up and make a scene, telling them to call it off because he was secretly in love with her. 

It was suppose to be like a movie. 

But it wasn’t. 

He never showed up, and it was on that day that she fully let go of him and any thoughts of him or a future with him. 

Little did she know that he was hurting. 

He was hurting because their time apart helped him realize the one thing that was right in front of him the entire time, her. 

He loved her. 

It wasn’t because she was taken that he wanted her. No, it was when she was taken that everything he was feeling towards her finally made sense and he realized that he had truly loved her all along. 

It would take years for him to get over the mistake of letting her get away. 

When he finally did, he’d find himself married to a woman he’d met a few years prior with a beautiful son. He would end up working a job with awful hours that barely paid him enough for them to get by while his wife decided to become a stay at home mother. 

Most days, after a long day of work, working the worst shift, he’d come home, completely exhausted. 

Dinner would be in the microwave and beer would be in the fridge, waiting to be consumed by the drained man. He’d eat alone, despite the fact that he had a beautiful family that he was very thankful for, because they’d be in bed or even asleep upstairs. 

When he finished the meal that didn’t taste the same way it would’ve if he had eaten it fresh, he’d make his way upstairs, wanting nothing more than to pull the covers up to his neck and sleep until he had to wake up the next morning and do it all again. 

Before he made his way to his bedroom, he’d stop by his son’s room. 

The door was slightly opened, and the small nightlight in the corner illuminated the small space. 

A small smirk would make its way to his lips when he’d look at the younger, smaller version of himself. 

“I know you’re faking it.” He’d say into the dark, his arms crossed across his chest. 

A few second passed before the small boy popped one eye open and greeted his father with a wide smile. “Hi daddy.” 

“Hey buddy.” He smiled down to his pride and joy, ruffling his hair, causing a fit of giggles to escape the small boy. “How was your day?” 

Sweet Pea regretted not being there for his son’s first day of preschool. He should have been there while he wife was taking pictures and when they dropped him off at school. 

The more he worked, the more he felt like he was missing out on the moments in life that really mattered. But at the end of the day, the only way he could provide for his family and get them out of the Southside, was to take any job that came his way, no matter the consequences. 

“It was awesome!” The little boy exclaimed, sitting up in bed and throwing his arms in the air, excitement evident across all of his features. 

“Shh-“ Sweet Pea chuckled as he hushed his son, unsure if his wife was still awake down the hall 

“It was awesome.” Ryan smiled as he continued to describe his day. “My teacher is really nice and at snack time they gave us cookies!” 

“Well, that definitely sounds awesome!” The older man played along, amused by how much his offspring had, even at the late hour. 

“It was!” He assured his father. “And I also met this girl who’s really nice!” 

“Oh yeah?” Sweet Pea smirked, his eyebrow arching questioningly towards his son as he pulled the covers over him, tucking him in for the night. “What’s her name buddy?” 

Ryan’s face lit up at the mention of the mystery girl. 

“Willow.” He smiled proudly. “Willow Y/L/N.” 

All of the color drained from Sweet Pea’s face at the mention of her name. 

“She’s the prettiest girl in class dad and today when we were coloring, she asked if she could use some of my crayons because she only had the small box, so I let her use some of mine and we spent all day coloring!” He explained, his eyes full of joy and something Sweet Pea gave up long ago, hope. “I think she’s my best friend.” 

With that, the walls felt like they were closing in. 

It became hard for him to swallow the growing lump in his throat. 

His son was completely unfazed by his father’s sudden energy shift and thought nothing of it as he snuggled further under his covers and waited for his dad to tuck him back in. 

“Goodnight bud.” Sweet Pea placed a small kiss to his son’s head, a single tear threatening to spill down his cheek. 

“Night dad!” 

Closing the door behind him, he made his way down the hall to his bedroom. 

His mind was going a million miles an hour and his chest felt tight, it was like he couldn’t breathe. 

He was a fish out of water. 

“Hey, honey.” His wife greeted him as he entered. When she didn’t receive a reply, she assumed work had been rough on him. “Long day?” She asked, sympathizing with her husband, knowing how draining his line of work could be. 

Sweet Pea remained silent. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Peeking over the pages of the book she’d been reading for a few weeks, her eyes immediately filled with concern when she noticed the lack of color in her husband’s cheeks and the way that he sat on the edge of the bed with his shoulders slumped over. 

“Nothing.” He lied, a soft sigh leaving his lips, contradicting his previous statement. 

“You sure?” The woman asked, closing her book and setting it on her nightstand. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

In a way, he felt like he had. 

His heart broke thinking about the pain he had experienced when it came to falling in love with Y/N and realizing he only loved her when it was too late, but it completely shattered when he thought about Ryan following down the same path he did. He never wanted his son to feel the heartache that he had. 

He wouldn’t dare with that feeling onto his worse enemy. 

The feeling of complete emptiness and longing for something you know you’ll never obtain is truly and utterly the harshest pain imaginable. It gnaws at you daily, like a constant reminder of what could have been, and it never fades away, it only becomes harsher with time. 

“Do you want me to get you some water babe?” His eyes met hers, guilt momentarily filling the void in his chest as she started to rub his back in an attempt to heal him. 

If she only knew. 

The poor woman next to him had no idea the emptiness inside of him. It wasn’t her fault that he was incapable of loving her. Too much damage had been done for him to ever truly love again. 

“I’m ok, just tired.” He lied, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, hoping she’d buy it. 

“Alright.” Her lips pressed into a small line, wishing there was something more she could do, but realizing that there was nothing more she could do. “I hope you feel better.” 

“Thank you.” He smiled softly, in hopes of convincing her he was ok. 

It was the same smile he had been hiding behind for the past 10 years. It was the only smile she had ever seen. Which was why when he presented her with the fake emotion, she thought nothing else’s it and presumed that he was just in fact, tired. 

“I love you.” She smiled, mirroring his expression, her eyes full of love. 

“I love you too.” He replied, completely void of any real meaning or affection. 

“See you in the morning, angel.” She kissed his cheek before turning off the light and drifting off to sleep, completely unaware of what her husband was going through. 

Sweet Pea laid there, eyes staring at the ceiling above him, trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong. 

He should have tried harder. 

He should have fought for her. 

It didn’t matter if she didn’t feel the same way, he should have held onto the hope that maybe one day she’s could’ve loved him as much as he loved her. 

He would given anything for one more day with her. 

One more laugh. 

One more hug. 

One more night spend in her arms. 

He’d give anything, just to have her back.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @southsidersweetpea!


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